Email rules → Omit Needless

Email rules

December 14, 2009 by Lonny.

Sending email

Length: Do not send email longer than one question.
Content: Only send a question. A sentence is information. People do not want information emailed to them. Unless they asked.

Receiving email

Response time: Wait 7 days before replying. Shorter implies you check email all day. Don’t be a geek.
Thread killer: Add footer to all outgoing email that states “I hardly ever check email, but feel free to reply if you need further clarification”.
If you must reply: Information asked for must be sent in the space of one line. An address. A telephone number.

Delete email (preferably without reading) if…

if you are not in “To:” field. Gmail and others can even do it for you.
if there are no direct questions to you (by name).
if email is longer than 2 paragraphs.
if email includes attachments.
if email has weblinks in it. Especially if it says “Check out this cool link!”
if email has photos. Even if the photos are really, really cute.
if email is from a business. Find way to unsubscribe. Even if it’s your bank or the Red Cross.

Other ways than email to send stuff

Written word: Send all personal essays, discourses, & heartfelt correspondence via U.S. Mail. It will cost money. Important stuff always does. Plus, people might actually read it.
Photos: post on photo-sharing service. Then recipient can print/share/make-a-calender/whatever with them. They might never join. Be prepared for this. Else drive to their house with printed copies.
Videos: Nobody cares. If you get 100,000 views on YouTube, we’ll see it eventually. No need to send link.

Other emails that “count” against you even though you didn’t actually send them

Website invites: Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, and Twitter – You gave them my email address. You deserve to fight in Afghanistan. Which side I no longer care.
Photo-sharing service invite: Yes, I recommended it. To keep my inbox clutter-free. I really didn’t want to join to see your “private photos”. Just make ‘em public. Or print them out and mail ‘em to me.

So, what should we send each other via email?

Money: Best emails I ever got were from PayPal.
Evites: a bachelor party, lunch (your treat), your wedding, exciting all-expense paid trip to Denmark.
Nothing else: take a breath. It will be better. I promise.

How can I implement these email rules before I jump off the internet and into outer darkness?

Quit: Kill your current email address that friends have. Without warning.
Get new email address: People hate changing their address books. But you’ll spare them by not announcing it.
Follow all advice above: Once you stop emailing them, and their emails to you bounce, and all they get from you are letters via U.S. Mail (or nothing if they aren’t worthy), then, hey, problem solved.
Thank me: Aw, shucks. It was nothing. You’re welcome. You can simply link to this post to thank me. Don’t thank me via email.
Go live life you had before: You’re free. You can visit friends again (in person!), enjoy sending and receiving letters, and having a normal number of friends who you actually know you (i.e. less than 200) and who actually care a bit about you.

Inspiration